Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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