I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
