easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
