plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
