Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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