I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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