he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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