Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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