actually, I'm a sock model
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
