Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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