How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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