I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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