my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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