You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
