i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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