Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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