It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
