Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
