dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
