seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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