Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
