Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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