she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
