All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
