Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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