Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
