I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
