I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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