apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
