I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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