I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
