Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
