The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
