i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
