so explain again why im purple
no
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
