I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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