Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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