I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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