i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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