pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
