This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
