Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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