i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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