i already hear my dad disowning me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
