I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
