just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
