I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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