I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He shit in the fireplace
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
