Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
