pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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