Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
