we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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