Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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