trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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