every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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