I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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